(Ed.:  See below for Portland game thread.)

My life sucks. My car is out of commission, I'm too poor to pay my rent, I have a cold and even though it's November now, The Sickness is still not in my life. It's not fair.

So Tuesday afternoon Manolis and I decided to go to the Sharks-Pens game. We figured, two good, offensive, great skating, great passing, high volume shooting teams, we might see a 5-4 game. Of course it ends 2-1. 2-1 for $60 nosebleed seats. Grumble. And on the ride home my car's gear shift locks up on me. For 30 solid seconds I was stuck at a light and not able to shift into any gear before it loosened up and I was able to drive us back to the bar. Howevuh, after dropping Manolis off, the shit happened again, and this time I couldn't get it to loosen off. The best I could manage was to get the car in second gear, and I had to drive 35 mph on the highway for seven miles to get home. Good times. In fact, it was so much fun, I repeated the feat Wednesday morning. For 30 miles. On several highways. You have no idea how slow 35 mph is until you're on the highway being flipped off by Asian grandmothers.

Why had my car come to such a state? Because I'm the kind of badass rebel who doesn't play by the rules, man. I saw that yellow "check engine" sign on my display for a month and just ignored it because I'm not some square who freaks out over the tiniest thing. I make my own rules, you dig? Oh who am I kidding. I am the lamest of the lame (with the possible exception of Powell). I'm a bartender who doesn't drink, just like Sam "Mayday" Malone, except I didn't use to pitch for the Sox and I don't have a crazy waitress girlfriend. Right, I'm back with Amanda now. And she works with us. Awesome!

Manolis told me my problem was I probably destroyed my car's transmission and it would take two grand to fix which would mean I'm completely broke. Thankfully my mechanic said it's just my clutch that's messed up, something called "The Slave Cylinder" which sounds like some gay club in the city but is actually the part of the engine that makes the clutch respond. If it's just that, it's $200 to fix. If it's the whole clutch mechanism, more like $1,000.

The good news is (if we can even call it good news) is that I'll be able to watch the Spurs again. Oct. 28 was supposed to be the deadline for Dish Network to tell me if they got the NBA package or not, but when I called they said they were "still in negotiations." Now ol' Michael might not be the savviest businessman around (but I have much better hair), but I'm smart enough to figure out that "still in negotiations" once the season has already started translates to, "We're not getting it, it's not going to happen, but we think if we keep giving you false hope you'll be stupid enough to believe it and won't dump us for DirecTV."

So instead I just ordered NBA Broadband from my computer. It's only half as expensive, which is sweet, but we just got this kickass HD TV and now I won't hardly be able to use it for more than a handful of Spurs games. Get fucked, Dish Network.

I do have some thoughts on the Suns game, a surprisingly entertaining affair considering Manu wasn't involved, but first I thought I'd analyze and project the Spurs roster, hombre by hombre, just so we could arrive at the sobering realization of the futility of it all together!

# 33 Shooting Guard Desmon Farmer

Look at him, all athletic and purposeful looking. It's like he thinks he has a future.

A.K.A.: Not Malik Hairston

Vital Information: Not to be confused with Jordan Farmar of the Lakers. You know it's a sad day to be a Spurs fan when we are actively pining for Jordan Farmar.

Key Stats: I got this from an article on his acquisition by the Spurs

The former USC Trojan started 2006-07 season with the Seattle Sonics seeing action in eight games and averaging 1.6 points and 1.1 assists in 4.0 minutes before being waived in January.

Farmer spent the rest of the season with the Tulsa 66ers of the D-League, averaging 19.9 points, 3.9 rebounds and 2.7 assists in 32.8 minutes in 32 games.

He spent all of the 2005-06 season with the 66ers. For his career Farmer has played in 88 D-League games, averaging 16.3 points, 3.4 rebounds and 2.2 assists in 29.8 minutes.

What This Means: If this hobo can put up solid numbers in the D-League and can't even get on the court for an awful Sonics team, then how relevant could've Mahinmi's All-Star season for the Toros been? Thanks for trampling on my one last vestige of hope, Clay Williams!

08-09 Projected Stats: 6 games, 13 minutes, 1.0 pts, 0.4 assists, 1.3 turnovers, 0 protests by Spurs fans over his inevitable dismissal.

#35 Center Anthony Tolliver

It's not often you find college centers whose defensive role model is Fabricio Oberto.

A.K.A.: The Black Matt Bonner

Vital Information: The Spurs found this "diamond in the rough" in the Summer League, so you know he'll be a stud. He's first in line to replace RoHo... after Matt Bonner makes his annual pilgrimage to Pop's dog house for being Matt Bonner. The thing is, even at 23 years old he'll be a much poorer defender than the 48 year old or whatever he was last season Horry and he'll shoot higher than 26% from the floor, so really I have no idea how there could even be a comparison between the two. They're different guys.

Key Stats: (From ESPN.com)

 

Age: 23

Position: C

College : Creighton

Salary 2009: $711,517

What This Means: If this biographical information doesn't scream "dominant NBA player" to you, I don't know what could. John Hollinger wrote "I'm not sure he's really an NBA player" so basically he'll fit in well with the rest of our bench.

08-09 Projected Stats: 22 games, 9.2 mpg, 5.1 ppg, 2.1 rpg, 0.1 bpg, 38.5 FG%, 39.5 3 PT %.

#28 Center Ian Mahinmi

I hate you and your drool-inducing athleticism Ian, I hate you.

A.K.A.: The New Beno Udrih

Vital Information: An ankle sprain in a pickup game caused him to miss the entire training camp and pre-season. Thankfully, Pop is not the kind of coach who punishes young unproven players for such indiscretions.

Key Stats: (From his NBA.com D-League Player Bio)

 

PPG: 17.1, RPG: 8.2, APG: 1.4, BPG: 1.7

Born: Nov 5, 1986 Height: 6’9" Weight: 230 lbs. College: France

What This Means: There's only two noteworthy pieces of information here. One, under "college" it lists France, which means he's a soft, mentally weak, fromage binging disappointment waiting to happen. I'm highly suspicious of the intestinal fortitude of any foreigner who's not Argentine, because Argentines are crazy. Despite all that, I am still aroused intrigued by his potential. Two, he was born on "Guy Fawkes" day, which makes him even cooler to me. If you didn't like V for Vandetta, I don't want to know you, to borrow a Simmons line. P.S. Can you imagine if there was a University of France? Holy shit. Even the Princeton team would intimidate them.

08-09 Projected Stats: 30 Games, 9.6 mpg, 5.3 ppg, 3.8 rpg, 1.0 bpg, 45.0 FG %, 87.5 FT %, 4.2 Fouls Per Game. The last two stats will guarantee he's banished from the playoff rotation.

#3 Point Guard George Hill

Ooooooooooooooooooh fancy!

A.K.A.: Scrappy McGee

Vital Information: He's nursing a sprained right thumb, which might affect his otherwise flawless dead-eye shooting stroke.

Key Stats: GEORGE MOTHERFUCKIN' HILL DON'T NEED NO STATS, BITCH! My boy is here to LOCK DOWN A MOTHERFUCKER, ya heard? He's going to be all up in yo shit, son. ALL. UP. IN. YO. SHIT. What, you thinkin' he's all goin' to politely ask you to give him the rock, some some civilized an' shit punk bitch wearin' a FEDORA AND A MONACLE? Man, fuck that shit. I'm here to tell you that George Hill will CUT YOU UP AND WATCH YOU BLEED. Then, he'll take the ball from your cold, twitchy, RIGOR MORTIFYING ASS and be on his marry way.

Whas that? Refs? I knew you'd ask that, YA PUNK. You think my man's afraid of some FUCKIN' ZEBRAS? You think they can PROTECT YOUR BITCH ASS? Listen up motherfucker, cos I WILL NOT tell you this shit again, if Joey Crawford SO MUCH AS LOOKS IN MY BOY'S DIRECTION, I guar-an-FUCKIN'-tee you he'll get his big ugly head ripped clean off, CLEAN OFF, and crazy ass George'll replace it with a pumpkin. A PUMPKIN! George'll just slam a pumpkin right on Joey's bloody stump of a neck and there'll go ol' Joey Pumpkinhead runnin' around the court in circles like a chicken on crack.

You want some advice son? Four words: Take. The. Night. Off. Tell yo coach your ankle hurts or your grandmama passed or some other BULLSHIT cos my boy ain't right in the head, you follow? If I was you, I wouldn't even be in the arena. You're on the floor wit him I can't be responsible for whas gon' happen, you dig? George might jus (Ed: I cut two words here) YOU ON THE COURT in front of the fans, and your baby momma and your bastard childrens and everybody.

HE JUS' DON' GIVE A FUCK, SON. BOY'S CRAZY!

What this means: The Spurs are, uh, rather enthused about Hill's defensive potential.

08-09 Projected Stats: 40 games, 9.3 mpg, 2.8 ppg, 1.4 apg, 1.9 spg, 32.3 FG %, potential playoff rotation player, depending on matchup (yes for Hornets, Jazz, and Suns, no for everyone else).

#11 Point Guard Jacque Vaughn

If I ran the Spurs, this would be Vaughn's nightly uniform. Alas.

A.K.A.: The JV.

Vital Information: Despite his stats seemingly improving across the board from 06-07 to 07-08, his PER sunk from 11.00 to 9.08. Udrih's PER, incidentally, was 13.71.

Key Stats:

Times Pop Called Vaughn "The Prototypical Backup Point Guard" Last Season: 4

Times He Meant It: 0

What this means: Usually, if your coach refers to you as the prototypical anything (unless it's prototypical worthless asshole), the team doesn't draft your replacement the following season. Also you might remember that Pop thought so much of Jacque's prototypical backup-ness that he used one Manu Ginobili, a man who usually had two turnovers on his stat line just taking off his warm-up pants, as the backup point in the playoffs.

08-09 Projected Stats: 61 games, 11.3 mpg, 3.2 ppg, 2.2 apg, 43 times praised by Pop for his professionalism, 59 times caught "mentoring" George Hill on camera, 172 times crossovered onto his keister by opposing point guards.

#15 Power Forward Matt Bonner

He's available to sign autographs all day. Or the next day. Or any day. Whenever works best for you.

A.K.A.: Ginger.

Vital Information: I personally witnessed his 25 point, 17 rebound bitchslap of the Warriors. I'm fairly confident that will go down in the anals of history as his career game. I feel like I should've saved the ticket stub or something.

Key Stats: Bonner's overall FG% and 3 PT % have gone down every season he's been in the league. But his likability continues to rise. He's such a good teammate!

What This Means: His defense, or lack thereof, will slowly sap our collective will to live, as evidenced by last night's Suns game. Bonner's a great guy to have on your team as a 12th man, but if you're actually depending on him, then it's a foregone conclusion that you will sour on him, which is kind of one of the crappy things about liking pro sports. The best people usually stink.

08-09 Projected Stats: 53 games, 10.2 mpg,  6.1 ppg, 3.9 rpg, 1.8 turnovers per game, 43.2% FG, 37.5% 3 PT, 103 times posterized by opposing power forward, 115 times screamed at by Pop. If that number seems excessive, remember, Bones Barry is no longer on the team, so coach's gonna have to chew out somebody.

#4 Shooting Guard Michael Finley

Did you know Findog was in the Slam Dunk Contest once? How depressing is that? The only way he can stuff two balls into a hole these days is if (Ed:  I cut a bunch of words here.)

A.K.A.: Billy Ocean

Vital Information: Finley lost 15 pounds in the off-season. See that was the problem, everybody. Last year Finley sucked not because he was a one-dimensional 34 year old shooting guard, but because he was a big fatty. Now, as a skinny 35 year old shooting guard, he'll totally kick ass.

Key Stats: 1) Last year's 26.9 minutes per game were the highest of Fin's three year career. 2) Finley is the 10th oldest player in the NBA, but just the third oldest Spur.

What this means: 1) That Pop is batshit insane. The worse Findog plays, the more minutes he gets. 2) Seriously, just kill me now.

08-09 Projected Stats: 73 games, 22.3 mpg, 8.1 ppg, 2.0 rpg, 1.1 apg, 49 times worst +/- on the team, 281 times provoked me into a loud vocal profanity, 37,104 times mocked on PtR.

#5 Small Forward Ime Udoka

"So Tim, you want me to yank Kobe's heart out of his chest and eat it in front of their bench?" "Um... no... that's alright Ime. How 'bout we just try and play good D on him, okay?"

A.K.A.: Blotch

Vital Information: (per 82games.com) At +5.9, Udoka had the highest net48 plus/minus of any Spur outside of the Big Three. Also, he killed eight people in the offseason, but they all totally had it coming.

Key Stats: Udoka averaged 12.9 points and 6.9 rebounds per 40 minutes last season.

What this means: Those numbers might seem crappy on the surface (because they are) but one has to realize that they're almost double of the Spurs nominal starting small forward.

08-09 Projected Stats: 77 games, 18.3 mpg, 5.8 ppg, 3.2 rpg, 43.5 FG%, 37.2 3 PT%, 97 terrifying glares toward press row, preventing the fellas from the San Antonio Express News from ever writing something negative about him.

#40 Center Kurt Thomas

Any closer views of Kurt Thomas are not recommended.

A.K.A.: The Hooligan

Vital Information: (per HoopsHype.com) After signing a two year, eight million contract extension, Thomas is now the fourth highest paid Spur, pulling down 4.2M this year. So basically, once Corey Maggette rejected their contract offer, the team shrugged its shoulders and said, "Oh well." Also, it would make him the 10th highest paid Knick.

Key Stats: The Spurs averaged only 90.2 points per 48 minutes with Thomas on the floor in the regular season and those numbers sagged further to 85.1 per 48 minutes in the playoffs.

What this means: You seriously need me to explain this to you? He's an offensive albatross and we already have one too many of those at small forward. Also, I find him rather unpleasant looking. Is it me or is this the ugliest Spurs team ever? Even Manu is getting less attractive by the year.

08-09 Projected Stats: 73 games, 22.8 mpg, 6.9 ppg, 6.3 rbg, 0.8 bpg, 99 close ups that will make me involuntarily recoil from my laptop, 56 instances where I will wonder to myself if the Admiral is still the most athletic center affiliated with the Spurs.

#8 Shooting Guard Roger Mason

Stylin'. Awwww yeah.

A.K.A.: Our only hope.

Vital Information: (From a Sept. 30 article by Buck Harvey)

This summer, Mason took it further. Connelly says Mason missed only two days; the day Mason signed his contract with the Spurs, he flew back to the Washington area and was in the gym that night.

"He's no longer just a spot-up shooter," Connelly said Monday. "He's revolutionized his game, and here's my prediction. He will be a candidate for the league's most-improved player award.

That quote was from Joe Connelly, Mason's trainer. I mean, why would he exaggerate or use excessive hyperbole? The article also mentions that during a summer workout Mason made 101 of 109 unguarded pressure free three pointers in an empty gym. Fuckin' sweet.

Key Stats: Shot 83% from two and 94% from three point land during the preseason. Also, went the entire month without a turnover or a missed defensive assignment.

What this means: Okay, I made that stuff up. But what if they were true. I mean, think about it, what if? Wouldn't it blow your mind?

08-09 Projected Stats: 81 games, 24.3 mpg, 12.4 ppg, 2.4 rpg, 2.9 apg, 44.3 FG%, 41.2 3PT%, 148 times I ask no one in particular why he's sitting the bench and Finley's playing, 234 times I fantasize about a playoff lineup of Fab-Tim-Rog-Manu-and Tony, completely ignoring the catastrophic defensive implications.

#7 Center Fabricio Oberto

Sadly, I fear we may never see Oberto's infamous "Chicken Dance" again

A.K.A.: The Spurs' other shameless Argentine flopper.

Vital Information: Missed the season opener with a heart, as Al Michaels would say. Seriously, since I have nothing interesting to add about Fab-O, this seems like a good space to mention that I was in the room when 49ers' rookie coach Mike Singletary lost his shit in the postgame press conference. Seriously, he was basically looking right at me in the second row. It was by far the coolest thing that's happened to me so far in my media career. The YouTube clip is a lie though, that definitely wasn't the full press conference. The full thing lasted like 15 minutes. I even asked a question in my nasally professional voice that was quickly dismissed by the coach. Today I found out that Singletary was even crazier in private with his players, mooning them at halftime to show them what he thought of their performance, a move right out of the Bob Knight playbook.

 

"I used my pants to illustrate that we were getting our tails whipped on Sunday and how humiliating that should feel for all of us," Singletary confirmed in a blog post on the 49ers' Web site. "I needed to do something to dramatize my point; there were other ways I could have done it but I think this got the message across."

Anytime a man attempts to dignify his actions by beginning with, "I used my pants..." you know it's not going to go well. It needs to be mentioned that Knight had like 600 NCAA wins and a couple of championships under his belt before he used this gimmick. I fear the Mike Singletary Era won't last too long in San Francisco.

Key Stats: 07-08 Made Field Goals: 180. Field goals assisted by T. Duncan: 41. Field Goals assisted by M. Ginobili: 103. Put back field goals: 36. Other: 0.

What this means: November and December might not be a great time to have Mr. Oberto on your fantasy team. Then again, January through May won't be either.

08-09 Projected Stats: 73 games, 21.4 mpg, 4.4 ppg, 5.9 rpg, 1.4 apg, 0.1 bpg, 39 questionable flops, 57 egregious flops, 81 technical-inducing flops.

#12 Small Forward Bruce Bowen

At this point, I think the guy on the right would be more helpful for us than Bruce at small forward.

A.K.A.: The Single Biggest Reason The Spurs Won't Win Another Title.

Vital Information: Did you know Bruce has his own website? He doesn't have a blog or a fan forum or you know, anything fun, but it does have a badass ninja motif (with trippy music), so that's cool. Plus in the "art" section he has all these cool motivational slogans and pro tips like an old quote where he said

"When I started playing pro ball I wanted to make sure that if I got cut, it wasn't going to be because I was out of shape..."

I'm sure if they used the rest of the quote, past the ellipses, it would've read, "... but because I can't do rudimentary basketball things such as dribble, shoot, make lay-ups, make free throws or rebound."

Bruce also says that we should replace our junk food and candy with delicious fruit snacks and vegetables.

Key Stats: In 07-08 Bruce had 174 made field goals, 234 rebounds, 87 foot stomps, 113 trips, 351 grabs, 289 pulls, 92 undercuts, and was a -30 in the playoffs, the worst of any Spurs regular. Well done, Bruce, well done.

What this means: Yeah, Bruce only averages two made baskets a game, but you see he allows opponents two less baskets than they usually average, so it totally evens out... right?

08-09 Projected Stats: 82 games, made baskets, rebounds, assists, frustrated opponents and far more frustrated Spurs bloggers.

#9 Point Guard Tony Parker

Ironically, a guy who doesn't shoot threes is posing for his rap album with what appears to be the "Money Ball."

A.K.A.: Frenchy McWonderbutt

Vital Information: Top Secret Transcript of Training Camp Meeting Between Tony Parker and Gregg Popovich:

Coach Pop: Hey Tony, thanks for coming in, sit down.

Tony: 'Ello Pop, eez nice to see you again.

Pop: So, Tony, I'm going to get right to it. Did you watch those DVDs of Chris Paul we sent to you?

Tony: Of course Pop! They were unbelievable!

Pop: Er, yes. He's pretty good. So what'd you think of them?

Tony: You're a pretty smart guy, Pop. I definitely understand why you sent dem to me.

Pop: Oh?

Tony: Yes. You are trying to send me a message. You're so unbelievable, Pop.

Pop: Well, yeah, that was the idea. I'm glad you underst-

Tony: You vant me to be more confident and shoot more.

Pop: Yes! Wait, what?

Tony: O yes. I watched ze videos vehhhhry carefully Pop and I learned so much. It was unbelievable. I had no idea Chris Paul was so overrated!

Pop: Overrated?

Tony: Yes. I mean, I finally understand now why you tell us all ze time to eegnore ze meedia. Eeespn and all zose magazines say Chris Paul is so good and he's not zat good at all. It's unbelievable!

Pop: Chris Paul's not good?

Tony: He eez terrible, Pop! He can't eeven score. I watch and I count and I tink like 80% of ze time he had to give ze ball to somebody else. Ha!

Pop: Yes, he was passing.

Tony: Eggs Zactly!

Pop: (Stunned silence).

Tony: And zat's not all, Pop. Eeven when he does shoot, he eez terrible, shooting airballs all ze time. Every game I watch, he shoots like six, seven, eight airballs, but he always gets lucky zat Tyson Chandler catches dem and dunks ze ball! Always right guy at the right place, huh Pop? Like me in ze locker room ven Eva vas visiting zat day. Zat worked out good, eh, Pop? (chuckles to self).

Pop: You think all those lobs to Chandler were shots?

Tony: Of course, Pop. Vat else would dey bee? And every time Chandler vas dare to dunk ze ball. He eez a very smart player, I tink, Pop. Maybe we should try to get heem on our team, no?

Pop: Tony, you don't understand, those were passes. You've never heard of an alley-oop before?

Tony: El-lay oop? Eat sounds like zomething Eva says in ze bedroom, you know Pop? (chuckles to self).

Pop: (Stunned silence).

Tony: But don't worry, Pop. I got ze message, loud and clear. I vill shoot more and play wheat more confidence. I know now I'm way better zan Paul, and everyone tinks he eez so great, so zat means I must be unbelievable, no?

Pop: Oh, you're unbelievable all right. Anyway, shit... if this conversation lasts any longer I'm going to have a brain hemorrhage. I'll tell you what, Tony. We're kind of shorthanded these days. Fin and Bruce are getting up there in age, Mason's new, and Tim is gonna get doubled like crazy. You go ahead and shoot all you want. Just remember, when Manu gets back, you'll have to pass the ball more.

(five minutes of silence pass)

Tony: Pass... ze... ball?

Pop: (screaming) GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

Key Stats: The last three seasons, Tony has averaged between 18.6 and 18.9 points, 5.5 to 6.0 assists, and 3.2 to 3.3 rebounds. I think it's safe to say that he's hit a plateau here.

What this means: Those waiting for that one 24 ppg, 8 apg monster year are shouldn't hold their breath. He eez what he eez.

Projected Stats: 78 games, 19.8 ppg, 5.6 apg, 3.2 rpg, 50.3 FG%, 26.3% 3PT FGs, 73.4% FTs, 326 "unbelievable"s uttered during interviews. I gave him a slight points bump because of Manu's November absence.

#20 Shooting Guard Manu Ginobili

  I miss this... and I don't mean Robert Horry.

A.K.A.: El Dios de Baloncesto

Vital Information: Something I saw the other day:

You've been Ginobili'd! (via EvilTedBasketbawful)

First off, all of those were totally fouls. Manu's getting hacked. Secondly, the coffee cup was planted and drew a textbook charge from the guy's hand. Finally, if Manu was as bad an actor as this clown, he'd never get any calls.

Key Stats: Led Spurs in points per game (19.5), steals (109), steals per game (1.47), free throw percentage (86.0%), three pointers made (156), free throws made (380), plus/minus (+426), YouTube highlight videos, and women aroused.

What this means: In his absence, the Spurs might suffer somewhat. This is what you come to me for, deep penetrating analysis.

08-09 Projected Stats: 61 games, 27.8 mpg, 18.8 ppg, 4.6 rpg, 4.2 apg, 1.6 spg,  44.8 FG%, 41.1 3PT%, 18 dunks, infinity plus seven level of awesomeness.

#21 Power Forward Tim Duncan

Uh, you can tell him he looks goofy if you want. I'm good.

A.K.A.: The Man

Vital Information: Did you know that Timmy was the best player on four separate championship winning Spurs teams? You did? Then maybe you should shut the fuck up about free throws or defensive rotations or whatever the hell you're whining about then. Also, Timmy has his own chapter in this book by blogger FreeDarko, and while it wasn't my cup of tea, you might dig it.

Key Stats: While Tim's numbers dropped in several categories, he did have his best rebounding season since 03-04, and his best free throw shooting year since 01-02.

What this means: Nothing really, but I had to put something there. The truth of the matter is the guy still has plenty in the tank and there's still no player in the NBA I'd rather have for the playoffs. He remains the key to everything, and if there's a bright side to Manu's injury, it's that Duncan will come in focused and ready right off the bat. It's going to be weird to see him taking November seriously.

08-09 Projected Stats: 76 games, 20.3 ppg, 10.9 rpg, 2.6 apg, 1.8 bpg, 169 incredulous faces made, 66 arguments with the refs, 236 instances of negative body language, 0 times any of us should care, because Tim Duncan is the Golden God.

Head Coach Gregg Popovich

  You look at the beard, it hypnotizes you, and all of a sudden you forget all about the team's age, bench, and lack of athleticism. It's magic.

A.K.A.: Gandalf

Vital Information: He grew a beard, and this year, instead of having the usual one or two youngsters (defined here as anyone under 30) on the roster he won't play, he'll have as many as five or six to ignore this time around. Usually you have to watch American Idol to see such an ornery, arrogant, flippant bastard crush the dreams of so many untalented youths.

Key Stats: 93 quips, 148 eye-rolls, 231 sneers, 351 sarcastic comments, 39 slams of the scorer's table, 1,047 coaching decisions questioned on PtR, 0 coaching decisions questioned by local media.

What this means: It's must be pretty neat to be Gregg Popovich these days. He might as well wear Jonathan Stark's Iron Man getup he's so bulletproof. He's like the anti-Mike Singletary.

Projected Stats: 82 games, 12 declarations of "soft,"  28 profanity-laced film sessions, 18 times calling the players out in the media, 43 defenses of the team's age and athleticism, 31 assurances that anything can happen once the team makes the playoffs.

Prediction:

So yeah, anyway, I don't think I'll be quite as doom and gloom as Matthew and Wayne (and seemingly everyone else), but it's gonna be a tough year for the Spurs. Wins will be scarce in November sans Manu. I don't think I'm being too much of a Ginobili-homer saying that. But I still think the big three will be dominant enough and that the spare parts (particularly Mason) will be competent enough to get the team to 51 or so wins. I'm not sold on Portland yet, hell Oden's already hurt. The Warriors will stink without Monta Ellis and Baron Davis. Denver will probably trade Allen Iverson in mid-season. Dallas and Phoenix have their age issues just like we do. You never know if Tracy McGrady or Yao Ming will stay healthy in Houston. Who can you say are playoff locks outside of the Lakers, Hornets and Jazz? It's not going to take 49 wins to make the playoffs this year, I'm positive of that.

I think the rest has the potential to be a boon for Manu and the Spurs, if he can return like nothing happened and stay healthy the rest of the way. A major "if." Mason will be an upgrade over Barry, if for no other reason than he won't be hurt all the time. Thomas for a full season won't hurt and there is the odd chance that the youth of Mahinmi and Hill can contribute. I don't think it'll be fair to really evaluate the potential of the team until we see everybody fit and playing together for a bit. Maybe January or February. Until then, just sit back and enjoy each game in its own vacuum, ignoring the big picture implications.

All that being said... I don't know how anybody can beat the Lakers this year. They're fucking loaded. New Orleans and Utah and Houston will also be tough, but LA is on another level. It's sick. At this point, anyone beating them in the playoffs would have to be considered a major upset, no matter how healthy Manu might be.

Game 1: Vs. Phoenix: Suns 103, Spurs 98 Record: 0-1

What I Liked:

1. The black shoes with the white unis. I fucking love this. I wish they always did this. The Buddy Ryan Philadelphia Eagles did this and I'm still upset they stopped when Rich Kotite took over. Every pair of shoes I own is black, all three of them. Let's hope this continues all year and beyond.

2. Pop messing with Shaq five seconds in. Talk about a coach with job security. What other man would do something like this to open a season? Sure, it's all happy and jokey and Pop had the big smile and the thumbs up and it looked all cute. But think about it further. There was actual motive behind the move. Pop knew the team was shorthanded on bigs. Mahinmi and Oberto were out and Tolliver was mourning his mother's passing. He needed to play against gentle, fun-loving Shaq, not angry "Must. Crush. Everything." Shaq.  What better way to get the big fella to let his guard down? I truly believe it took him out of his game for a good quarter and a half before he got his big fat head back in it.

3. Duncan's shot. Looked pretty smooth, didn't it? If Timmy can knock 'em down regularly from 18 feet, he can average 30 a night, easy. Methinks he's been practicing the J in the offseason because he realizes he can't jump over a phone book any longer. Even the land-anchored O'Neal swatted him twice.

4. Tony Parker's cojones. Boy did he man up in the second half, particularly the fourth quarter. We're gonna need a lot of that this season, especially the first two months.

5. Roger Mason's stroke. I like this new toy, I like it a lot. Now if we can just get him to shoot more often...

What I Didn't Like:

1. The defense the last three quarters. How pathetic was that? We let the Suns pick and roll us to death and they got way, way, way too many open three point looks. Bruce played 21 ineffective minutes and everyone else followed suit. Letting Nash and Amare get off is one thing, but you can't allow Barbosa and the fossilized remains of Grant Hill to play that well.

2. The Crappy Rebounding. I'm looking at you two, Duncan and Bonner. A lot of the Suns' offensive rebounds were preventable, effort-related stuff, like nobody boxing out a free throw or reacting to a loose ball. Finley and Bruce combining for two defensive pulls in 52 minutes didn't help.

3. Tim and Tony shooting three pointers. We had five gentlemen on the floor and the two least qualified to shoot that shot shot that shot. It wasn't a last second situation. The team needs to be more poised there and it's disappointing the most seasoned players lost their cool.

Ah well, it's just one game, and like I said, we were missing some bigs, in addition to Manu. Let's see how tomorrow goes at Portland.

Hey there!

I know, I know, you hate me. I'm a terrible person for neglecting all of you, my loyal peeps, for what's it been, like two months now? I'm sorry, I really am, but I've been terribly busy with my (giggle) career. Besides I didn't think I'd be missed so much since Powell would surely be diligent in writing frequent posts in my stead (ha).

No, actually Matthew died. He's dead now. Really, he's gone.

Sorry if no one told you all. But he told me only last week.

Well, actually he told me he would have a post up by Sunday, and he hasn't so...

[Slumps shoulders] I guess I'll call him soon.

But yes, I suppose I should give people updates on what's going on. I've got a lot of stuff on my plate lately, literally in fact cos I'm still a big fatty. But work wise I cover the San Jose Earthquakes of the MLS, the Stanford Cardinal in college football, and the San Francisco 49ers in the NFL. So that's like four or five articles a week right there. For examples of my "work" you can find them here, here, and here. There's also the occasional non-sports story I get, and as you can see, they really give me the important stuff.

I also write for this magazine in Redwood City called The Spectrum, and I have no idea what to think of my situation there. Basically, I'm getting treated like a mule. I'm writing their cover story every month, in the 1,600 word range (or basically, 1/2 of my typical Spurs post), and my miserly boss pays me $50 for the privilege. That's criminal. The reason I know I'm being suckered is that it's gotten to the point where I routinely overshoot my deadline like three, four days and he doesn't even care. Either he's purposefully giving me a deadline a week earlier than it actually is, to counteract my chronic procrastination and mind-blowing unprofessionalism, or he knows he's not going to get anyone better for what he's paying me. I'm like the Jacque Vaughn of feature writers (go to archives and scroll down to page 17 of the September issue).

Hmmm. In retrospect, comparing that girl to Hayden Panettiere may have been a stretch.

So, what's being a sportswriter like? Odd. Most of them are terribly cynical and jaded, as far as I've seen, but literally everyone I work with has been at it far longer than me and probably has ten times as much work on a weekly basis than I do, since they're getting paid on salary an' all. Some of the sportswriter stereotypes are true, for sure. For example, if you want free food, you got to get to these games early because the scribes descend on the spread like a horde of locusts, especially at the Stanford games. Stanford always puts out lunch meats and veggies and breads and cheeses so people can make their own sandwiches and a month ago when I showed up a half hour before game time to cover their game against San Jose State, all the turkey and roast beef was long gone and all that was left was ham.

Fuck that.

What else is there to know? Oh yeah, those folksy, animated portraits of the sportswriters that the San Francisco Chronicle uses? Extremely flattering. Every one of those people are much older, fatter and less attractive in real life. In fact, I think if I work hard and play my cards right, I can get a job there in fifteen years when they're all ready to keel over.

But yeah, the job has definitely thought me a few things. First of all, if the game is on at nighttime, say a 7 p.m. start, then I guarantee you that nobody in the stadium is spending less time watching the games than the sportswriters. They're all on strict deadlines and they're all furiously banging away at their laptops. Every once in a while people will look up to see a replay or something, but most of the time it's like one eye on the game, one eye on the monitor. For NFL Sundays, it's a lot more relaxed atmosphere because the games are on in the afternoons so all the writers have time to leisurely type some notes, go to the locker rooms to collect quotes, and put their stories together before leaving the stadium around 7 p.m. or so.

This leads to point number two: Nothing sucks for a sportswriter than a late game scoring change. This happens in soccer frequently when you have your neat little 1-0 story written and then somebody scores the tier in the 89th minute and then somebody else scores the winner in the 92nd. Grrrr. It makes for great TV, but it sucks total ass with my job. You almost have to write three stories before the game, the win version, the loss version and the draw version. Even for Stanford's home opener, I was almost having a heart attack. It was 36-20 for the home team with less than five minutes to go when I left the press box and went down on the field, which writers do for football games. Oregon State scored a touchdown and a two point conversion. Then Stanford goes three-and-out, and while I'm watching from behind the end zone, the Beavers are coming right at me, about to score the tying touchdown and two-point conversion and I will have to totally change my 85% done story and have to watch overtime and I'll have blown my deadline and my editor will be all upset at me... and Oregon State fumbled at the one so it was okay.

For an example of my typical > 5 min football field positioning, check out the end of last Sunday's Eagles-Niners game when Juqua Parker intercepted J.T. O'Sullivan and returned it 55 yards for the clinching score (woohoo!). If you pause it at the ten second mark, I'm the blob in the black jeans and gray shirt on the upper left corner of the screen, the last human before the end zone pylon.

Juqua Parker Touchdown VS 49ers (via Westbrook36Iverson3)

Athlete wang: Soccer players don't care. These little midgets freely flaunt their wangs in the locker room for all to see. Ironically NFL players, these huge behemoths, are a lot more careful to cover themselves. When coming out of the shower they're always toweled, then they go to their lockers, give you a nice faceful of ass before they put their boxers on, and then they turn around to face the media, if they even feel like talking at all that is, and most of the 49ers don't, since they're usually losing. The football wang phenomenon most likely has to do with the fact that there are no female reporters for the Earthquakes, but like 20 or so different women in the 49ers' massive locker room at once after a game, none of whom incidentally, are remotely bangable.

Weird Resemblances: Stanford's best player, running back Toby Gerhart, whom I think has a solid chance to become a productive NFL player, perhaps in the Mike Alstott mold, looks like a dead ringer for Lochlyn Munro, the guy who played "Greg" in Scary Movie. You know, the micro-penis guy. You can't just go up to a some football player and tell him, "Wow, you look just like a guy I saw in a movie with a baby penis." If anyone has a suggestion how I can bring this up to him without getting beaten up, I'm open to suggestions.

Meeting My Idol: So far while on assignment I've met David Beckham, Landon Donovan, Donovan McNabb, Frank Gore, Patrick Willis, Jim Harbaugh, Edgerrin James, Kurt Warner, Randy Moss, Bill Belichick, and even the ungodly wide Andy Reid. But none of them phased me in the least. Only one guy blown me away so far:

 

That's right, I met Ray Ratto. Ray Ratto! He's probably my favorite sportswriter of all time. He works at the Chronicle and you might recognize him from his frequent appearances as a forum guest on the Jim Rome Is Burning TV show. As humorous as looks on TV, rest assured the guy is even weirder looking in person; jowlier, with that big furry walrus mustache and a bald spot that puts Manu's to shame. He's not as fat in person, mainly due to the fact that he's only 5'8" or so, but he's covered in hair, with huge thick forearms and he types using only his two sausage index fingers, albeit very fast. Really, the guy's body is eerily similar to Tom Cruise's "Les Grossman" in Tropic Thunder. (nsfw).

I love Ratto. He is such a clever wordsmith, and he can really needle a target without being a blatant asshole about it like Skip Bayless or Jay Mariotti do. (By the way, I just realized I root for the same basketball team and football team as Skip Bayless. Just rape me with a food processor). He has all these little catchphrases like "If you know what we mean and I think you do" and "So and so might happen, but that's not the way to bet" but by far my favorite is "But that's a whole another kettle of squid."

Ratto hates Nolan, hates the 49ers cheap, clueless owners, and actively roots for the team to lose every game. Down at the sidelines of the season opener against the Cardinals, when O'Sullivan's final fumble clinched the game for Arizona, Ratto was yelling at the people in the stands getting ready to leave - nobody in particular mind you - "ENJOY THAT YOU FUCKING IDIOTS! THANKS FOR THE MONEY! COME BACK IN TWO WEEKS FOR THE SAME FUCKING THING! KEEP THROWING YOUR FUCKING MONEY AND SUPPORT AT THESE IDIOTS SO NOTHING EVER CHANGES!!!"

Mr. Ratto is decidedly more profane in real life than in the newspaper and TV.

Incompetent coaching: One thing you will most likely see way less of from me this season is criticism of one Gregg "Get Off My My Lawn" Popovich.

Why is that? Have I grown kinder and more patient in my old age? No. It's because now working in the business for a little, I have seen the true face of incompetence, and its name is Mike Nolan, head coach of the 49ers. I've spoken to like 30 different Bay Area sportswriters, long time grizzled veterans who've seen it all, and I can tell you, unequivocally, that they all think this guy is completely and utterly clownshoes. He is the George Bush of NFL coaches in that he thinks he is the smartest guy in the room (which all NFL coaches do, I'm told) but he is without a doubt the dumbest. Against the Eagles this figurehead buffoon "coached" the entire game without putting his headset on, leaving the entirety of the coaching to his coordinators and assistants. He was about as involved in the game as I was, and I'm positive I worked more that day. His relationship with the media is testy, terse, and confrontational and his answers are sarcastic (wait, this sounds familiar), phony, and almost always dishonest. I can tell you, personally, that this guy has zero presence when he enters a room and his act is fooling precisely no one. Even Gwen Knapp, kindly matronly Gwen Knapp, told me in the elevator that she tried to give the guy every benefit of the doubt, but she's given up on him. After Nolan foolishly challenged a made field goal last Sunday, the writers decided en masse to take the kid gloves off and they're all mercilessly trying to outdo one another in calling for the coach's head. It's fun. I don't feel the least bit guilty, he's a dick.

Anyway, speaking of the Spurs, the reason I haven't felt particularly compelled to post in a while is that I don't feel nothing all that newsworthy has happened. Yeah, it's preseason, big whoop. I've watched them before and wasn't exactly awestruck by the experience, and those games had Manu. Now I'm supposed to be scrutinizing Anthony Tolliver vs. Darryl Watkins vs. Ginger? You want I should whip up the strengths and weaknesses of Malik Hairston or Devin Green? Should I mourn the fact that Ian Mahinmi's bum ankle is costing him a viable opportunity to crack Pop's rotation?

Are you serious?

People, people, people, sorry, but I've got a life. At least more of a life than I had two years ago. At this point I'm skeptical that Pop will ever trust someone younger than 31 to valet his car let alone play meaningful minutes in May, so not exactly springing a pup tent in my shorts over the development of George Hill. I absolutely refuse to even think about anybody named "Stoudamire" after last year's debacle. I do feel a bit bad about not having gotten to see Roger Mason, but again, there will be plenty of opportunity to do so in the regular season.

Or maybe not.

I put in a call to my satellite provider, Dish Network, to order the NBA League Pass, as I usually do this time of year. The lady told me that it's not available at this time because the NBA, in its infernal wisdom, is trying to copy the NFL and have all the satellite and cable companies get in a bidding war with one another over the exclusive rights for League Pass (like DirecTV has for football, to my chagrin). She told me they're in the process and won't determine the winner until October 28. When I asked for a clarification, she repeated the same two sentences, but LOUDER, and with more than a tinge of attitude.

Call me a pessimist if you must, but I don't feel good at all about Dish Network's chances of winning this thing - after all, it's frickin' Dish Network - so I'm not sure how I'll be able to watch Spurs games at this point. I'll know more in two weeks I guess and will do my best to come up with a workable solution. I'm surprised this issue hasn't been discussed more by other hoops bloggers. Or maybe it has, I really haven't paid attention.

The only good news I can give you is that if I am in position to blog regularly, meaning if I can watch the games, then I will comply to Matthew's request and write exclusively for PtR and drop any official association to Spursdynasty, though obviously I wish to remain friends with the guys.

Two pieces of Spurs related news that did catch my attention:

1) Spurstalk is all aflutter because apparently the hombre we routinely call God, as well as The Sickness, Plainview and the scores of other akas we've given him, announced recently in his website's forum that he doesn't believe in God. That's not the kind of admission you hear a famous athlete make too often, particularly one from an overwhelmingly Catholic country, such as Argentina.

2) Our least favorite player, The Donut Delivery Truck, opened his fat yap again the other day, ripping coach for using Hack-a-Washed-Up-Fucktard and calling him a coward, saying

"The only thing I call cowardly is when you're up by 10 and do it," O'Neal told Phoenix radio station KTAR. "That's a coward move and [Spurs coach Gregg Popovich] knows that and I'll make them pay for it."

At this point the only way Shaq can make us "pay for it" is if during a Spurs-Suns game he feels hungry between his post-dinner snack and his pre-dessert snack and decides to take a bite out of The Wee Rapping Frenchman's thigh to tide him over until a commercial break.

Really, the guy is clinically insane. He went on to say that it was proven that the tactic didn't work because

"You know San Antonio tried it but they went home a couple weeks after we went home."

Uh, what? First of all, we went home 29 days after the Suns and secondly, we didn't lose to the Lakers because of Hack-a-Shaq, Mr. O'Neal, because as enormous as you are, even you aren't morbidly obese enough to exist on two team's rosters at once. If you were a Laker last season, Pop would've assuredly used his cowardly tactic and to most-likely prevail in the series since your statuesque mobility and "veteran savvy" on a basketball court is even more of a liability to your teammates than Ginobili playing on one leg.

If I ran the Spurs, I'd write "Hey Lardass, Tell Me How My Ass Taste" right on the free throw line at SBC before the next home game with the Suns.

Shaq-Daddy sweats through another grueling off-season workout

 

It's 21-4 U.S. with a little more than a couple minutes to go in the quarter. They're on a 18-0 run as we speak with LeBron FTs pending. Manu already has two fouls and looks to have tweaked his ankle. Argentina cannot go two consecutive possessions without a turnover and their point guard, Prigioni, looks hopelessly outmatched.

Oh wait, the quarter is over now and it's 30-12, and that's with Nocioni hitting a running one-handed three at the buzzer. Everything that can go wrong for Argentina has. The U.S. already made like five threes and even when they missed one, it was an airball that went straight to Bosh for an and-1. Meanwhile on offense Argentina is missing all their shots, even lay-ups and putbacks.

In other words, just go back to bed.

Hopefully Manu isn't hurt too bad.

Phew... Argentina 80, Greece 78

Manoli stayed in bed, refused to watch the game because he said he would get irrationally upset with me and start yelling and cursing at me. Good thing he didn't see the end, a game can't end much more dramatically.

Really, I think he would've been proud. I'm the biggest Manu homer in the world, but let's be real... if this game is played ten times, Greece would've won seven. They got their offense a lot easier than Argentina did, got a lot of inside baskets, lay-ups, offensive rebounds, FT attempts. They had way more assists and just generally looked like they were executing some kind of viable team offense. I really got the impression that Greece played a C- game for them while Argentina played maybe a B. They can play a bit better, but not much, at least as far as their offensive game plan was.

Argentina just took and made a high percentage of their threes and got like 42 of their 80 points that way. They had and-1s on their first three baskets, for three FT attempts, then didn't get to the line again for the middle 36 minutes of the game. Manu took 17 shots, but 13 of those were from three. You could tell he had no legs at all and was exhausted. Their bench is so terrible that he played the entire second half without a rest.

Nocioni and Scola both started well, but faded. Chapu had an excuse because he tweaked his knee, but Scola finishing with only 11 is disappointing. It didn't look like Greece was doing anything special on defense against him, he simply didn't get many touches. He had no jumper at all, unlike the last game against Russia where he couldn't miss from 18' and in.

I never thought I'd type these words, but Delfino saved their bacon. Just when the team looked like it ran out of scoring ideas after three quarters, Carlos scored their first 15 points in the 4th, on three bombs, a crazy drive, and two fadeaway jumpers. After Prigioni found Scola all alone for a lay-up, thanks to a good Manu pick of his guy, Ginobili scored the last seven points on a three (his sixth make), two FTs, and a nice driving lay-up that somehow wasn't blocked even though the release point couldn't have been higher than seven feet.

Really, the hidden star of this game was Prigioni. He had six steals, harassed Spanoulis into a bunch of turnovers and Vassilis only had like 9 points, most of them very early. Defensively Argentina wasn't all that great, FG% wise, and they gave up too many offensive rebounds and inside baskets, but they were saved by all the turnovers they forced.

With Nocioni's injury, it's pretty clear that even if he does play against the U.S., he'll be limited. I don't think Manu's conditioning is at the level where he can handle playing his seventh game in 14 or 15 days, whatever it will be. I think it was a major coaching blunder playing him vs. Russia, because he could've used the rest. Now he's going to have Kobe checking him their next game, although as I've always said, whoever guards Manu doesn't really matter because he gets that top of the key screen regardless, it's the second man and third that matter. USA could simply just double him every time and get the ball out of his hands.

Basically I imagine the game plan will be similar to how they played Greece: Shoot an assload of threes and pray for a miracle. On defense they'll pack the lane in tight and force the U.S. to shoot outside and they'll probably foul a lot as well. If they outshoot the U.S. by 20% from outside and keep their turnovers under 15, they have a tiny chance.

Because they have Manu, I'll give them a puncher's chance, but realistically speaking, they're probably hoping Spain beats Lithuania so they can maybe get a bronze.

 

 

 

Don't look now kiddies, but Equipo de Emanuel David Ginobili have been absolutely playing kickass balencesto for the last oh 83 minutes of international competition. It might have been easy - even tempting - to dismiss the team after their bummer loss to Lithuania, a team with 0 current NBA players no less, but they've rebounded to beat the snot out of the Kangaroos and the Croats.

All of a sudden the guys are whipping the ball around on passes and playing great team defense again. Croatia came into the game shooting lights out from three and Argentina never really game them any open looks from there. It was almost a Spurs-type defensive performance, minus the dirty fouls from Bowen (Yeah, I went there. Whatcha gonna do about it?). Even their fat, unathletic backup centers, Ramon Gonzalez and  Leonardo Gutierrez, gave them some decent minutes off the bench. Their point guard Pablo Prigioni, who I was so down on after the first game, had his second straight decent game, running the team capably, playing very good defense, not forcing up any bad shots and basically giving it to Manu and getting the hell out of the way. Chapu was a monster all game and they got the required scoring from Scola in the first half (before he fell victim to the usual foul trouble) and Delfino in the second.

Really, Argentina's situation is very similar to that of the Spurs. They won in '04 not just because they had the three stars in Gino, Scola and Nocioni, but also because they were deep. Besides Fab and Delfino (who really wasn't a big player for them back then) they also had Pepe Sanchez running point masterfully so Manu didn't have to be the primary ball handler. As good as Sanchez played in '04, he was even better in the '06 World Championships, where he was probably the team's most consistent performer. He was knocking down like every open three in that tournament, and that one weakness - his shooting - had always been the reason it didn't work out for him in the NBA. Behind Sanchez they had Alejandro Montecchia, who wasn't much of a point, but he was a deadly spot up shooter, and he had 11 big points against the U.S. in the semi-finals. Also, they had Walter Hermann as the backup forward, an energy guy who could score inside and out, like Nocioni, plus Ruben Wolkywski, who was basically the Argentine Bill Laimbeer, a big banger inside who had a surprisingly smooth stroke from 20 feet.

It was a nine man team and that helped them a lot in not getting fatigued throughout the games and the tournament. Now, though, all four of those role players are gone, either because they're not happy with the coaching or other personal reasons. The problem is that for whatever reason Argentina has been unable to develop a next generation of players of quality to take their place. You would think a whole gaggle of teenagers would've been inspired by the performances of the '02 and '04 squads, but apparently they've all been watching Lionel Messi and Juan Pablo Riquelme. Not only has Argentina been unable to find the next Manu, they can't even find the next Hermann. That's sad.

Now look at the Spurs. Same deal. We've got the big three, and two of them are as good as ever. But the bench got real old real fast and the management has been either unwilling or unable to find their replacements. Just this offseason they've started to try a little bit (George Hill's game is eerily similar to Prigioni's) but probably not enough to make a difference. It's hard to fancy Argentina's chances against deep versatile teams like Spain or the U.S., no matter how well they've played these last two games, and I'm not sure what the Spurs will do against the Lakers, Rockets or Hornets next year after the way they've improved their rosters.

One thing is for certain: In a perfect world China would beat Germany in their next game and that way Greece can take a dive and lose to China in their last group game. That would let China finish 3-2 for 3rd place in Group A and Greece finish 2-3 for 4th place. That would mean in the second round China would get 4-1 Argentina and Greece would get 5-0 Lithuania (again, I repeat, a team of 0 NBAers).

This would be ideal for everyone and certainly for my household. As it stands now I fear Greece will finish 3-2 for 3rd place and will almost certainly face Argentina in the 2nd round, putting me in the uncomfortable position of rooting against Manolis when my home country isn't even involved. I'd rather that not happen.

Anywho, today's game was only Part I of Stampler's awesome Thursday sportapalooza, as you're no doubt aware that my Iggles are playing their second preseason game against Carolina tonight, on Fox! Be there or be ... somewhere else?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Manu!

Fab!

Scola!

Chapu!

Uh... Delfino?

And... seven other guys I've never heard of!

Who's with me!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Here's some terrible news to wake up to, boys and girls.

Pallacanestro Biella, ecco James Gist

Imminente l'annuncio dell'accordo con l'ala americana

La nuova Angelico è nata e fa già sognare i suoi tifosi. Con l’ingaggio di James Gist, ala grande di 206 cm, classe 1986 proveniente dall’Università di Maryland e protagonista delle ultime summer league, dopo essere stato scelto al secondo giro dai San Antonio Spurs col numero 57 all’ultimo Draft Nba, il mercato può considerarsi chiuso in entrata, mentre in uscita si aspetta di conoscere la destinazione in prestito del giovane Carlo Ona Embo (Spagna?). Così il gm Daniele Baiesi ha incassato un altro si da una seconda scelta Nba dopo aver convinto anche Trent Plaisted, chiamato a sua volta dai Supersonics al numero 46. Due rookie di grande spessore che giocheranno in squadra con Reece Gaines, il quale nel 2003 fu addirittura prima scelta al numero 15 (proprio davanti a Troy Bell...) degli Orlando Magic. Se poi si conta anche il percorso inverso fatto da Biella a Chicago da Thabo Sefolosha, scelta numero 13 nel 2006 (stipendio attuale 1.931.160 dollari...) si può affermare che il nome di Pallacanestro Biella cominci a “dire qualcosa” negli ambienti del basket professionistico americano. La nomea di squadra che fa maturare i talenti è stata decisiva nell’ottenere la benedizione delle due franchigie Nba che detengono i diritti di Plaisted e Gist, entrambi destinati ad essere attentamente valutati per “fare la squadra” all’inizio della prossima stagione Nba. Non a caso, fa parte dell’accordo, è prevista la venuta di tecnici americani per seguire il lavoro fatto da entrambi a Biella in diverse fasi della prossima serie A. Un bel colpo sotto il profilo diplomatico che ha visto il presidente Atripaldi stringere accordi di collaborazione soprattutto con gli ex campioni del mondo dei San Antonio Spurs. Relazioni e reputazione che influiranno anche sulle decisioni del prossimo Draft 2009 quando Jonas Jerebko sarà eleggibile. Le previsioni di oggi lo danno attorno alla scelta numero 46, al secondo giro, ma davanti a lui c’è una stagione da ala titolare per convincere gli osservatori delle sue potenzialità. L’Angelico ci spera, perchè nel mezzo ci sarebbe un campionato molto ben giocato... Gabriele Pinna

---

Basically, these days, if you find the name of an NBA player you like in an article with a bunch of foreign words you don't understand, it pretty much means he's not going to be playing in the NBA next season. Our Carl Landry/Paul Millsap/Brandon Bass wannabe is apparently going to the Italian League this year. What's worse is that it seems he's doing so with the Spurs full blessing.

I can't decide if I'm more stupefied or more angry. It's like 51/49 at this point. I have no idea what our front office is doing. I could rant and rave and try to turn the air blue, but you know what? I've got too much shit to do and I'm just too tired. I think I'll just watch a tape of the Argentina-Ivory Coast Olympic soccer game instead (Lionel Messi played!).

I'm sure when Matthew finds out about this he'll thrill you all with wonderfully creative profanity and several applications of the word "fuck" that you didn't even know was possible.

No one had anything to say? Nobody? Shame on all of us.

Anyway, I know CarinaGino20 posted about the Argentina Iran game, so I found the youtube highlights of it, including the two sick Manu dunks. He very much looks like he's got his hops and quicks back.

Argentina vs Iran (via chacobasket)

That's the good news. The bad news is they beat frickin' Iran by a whopping 10 points and got their asses kicked before that by Lithuania. They look pretty awful right now and even making the knockout stages (basically finishing in the top four out of a group of six including them, Iran, Lithuania, Russia, Croatia and Australia) might be a challenge. They'll beat Iran for sure, and probably the Kangaroos, but the three eastern Euro squads will all be tough.

Their first game will be at 4:45 eastern on August 9th, so I think that means it's the morning after opening ceremonies, right?

 

No surprise, we re-signed KT. I had a girlfriend once, Katie, who went by KT and she was considerably more attractive than Kurt Thomas. Especially when she was 18, 19 and on a lot of crank. A couple of years later (by the time I could seal the deal, unfortunately) she got off the drugs and gained 50 lbs, she wasn't as hot, but still hotter than Kurt Thomas.

Oh, here's the link, for the non-believers.

I'm worried Pop will banish Ian to the bench again now. That would stink and make me angry, but probably not nearly as angry as Powell, who has promised to be a fiery volcano of hate this season. Personally, I'm really excited about this.

AusTechSpur officially broke the story on the Summer League #6 thread, so I want to give him credit, but during an interview an otherwise annoyed and preoccupied R.C. Buford confirmed to the sideline reporter that Robert Horry officially will not be back with the Spurs.

If this bit of news produced and immediate rock hard erection for you, as it did for me, then please go find that special little someone in your life (or failing that, maybe an adult magazine or website of your choice) and flog your dolphin for all its worth.

Happy days are here again...